Time is winding down, and everything is getting closer to reality for me. Once tomorrow comes, the kids and I will be one week away from another road trip. My time in Ohio carried on much longer than I ever expected it to. It has been a long hard road for the children and I. God has truly blessed me with 2 wonderful children. Ivy pushes the limits at times, but deep down she brings great joy to my life. There have been many trials that I have gone though since Jan. My past has been questioned, relationships torn apart and some restored, my emotions have been up and down, and my nerves have been shot over and over again. The one person that I would feel most comfortable leaning on and crying to has been 1000 miles away. It's been hard.
I've learned a lot though. I've learned that I am strong. I have begun to realize my purpose and place as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and niece. Most of my life, I have felt that I needed to go along with the flow. I could state my opinion, but it didn't really matter, it wasn't going to change anything. I've learned that I am responsible for me. I am responsible for my children, and that is all that really matters. I can't change what others around me think or feel about themselves, the situation, and I certainly can't change what they think about me.
I'm going to leave Ohio, not knowing if I will ever get to see my grandmother again with life in her spirit. That is the only reason that I don't want next Monday to come. That is the only reason that I have stayed in Ohio as long as I have. I love her so much...and will miss her more than anything. I can't imagine my life without her. I know mine will go on, but there will always be a void once the day comes where she is no longer with me. I haven't been able to visit with her as much as I would have liked to. The hospitals and nursing homes aren't the easiest places to be when you have two young children. I want to thank my father and stepmother, and my mother and sister for making those times that I was able to sit by grandma's side possible. I haven't given up on her, and I know there is nothing my God cannot do, but I don't know when I will be back to Ohio again. There are no plans in the near future to return at this point.
Once I leave Ohio, I will be in Rock Hill for almost 2 weeks before I venture half way across the US to pick Nathanael up from TX. I'm so very excited for the day to come, when we are all in Charleston together. The children miss their father so much. I miss my husband more than ever. Nathanael has been without support by his side for 7 months now (8 by the time I pick him up). When we arrive in Charleston, we will celebrate Ivy's birthday that will have passed while Nathanael and I were in TX. Thoughts of getting her a bird have crossed my mind. She has also recently voiced that she would like a tea set that she can actually use to drink tea.
I'm so very thankful for my family. My husband and my children are wonderful to me. They are able to frustrate me beyond belief, but in the same breath bring tears of joy to my eyes. God has blessed me more than I could have dreamed. The rest of my extended family has been amazing. Spending hours on the phone, or face to face, they have let me rant and vent and some how always calm my nerves, and help me to see the truth. I am thankful.
From here on out, I need to take a deep breath, take everything a day at a time. If you are reading this, I ask that you keep my family in your prayers. We all need a little boost of strength to get though this next month.
If you are my friend, I thank you for standing by my side.
If you are my family, I thank you for holding me up.
To my children, I thank you for making me laugh.
To my husband, I thank you for loving me.
To my heavenly father, I thank you for putting these people in my life, and for all you've done and will do.
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